Coming Home Again: to your house and your heart

Midlife is a powerful time for women to redefine their relationship with the concept of home. The transition years can move us from a ‘physical place’ to a ‘heart space’. This coming home again is usually prompted by significant life changes that trigger a deeper, more introspective search for belonging and identity.

In my conjured-up library lifestyle phase (see 9/8/25 post), my physical home was a cozy, quiet space.  I imagined an oversized, squishy, red, leather chair in the corner of a soft-lit room with a reading light placed beside it. A soft, well-loved, hand-crafted quilt was draped over the chair. Waiting just for me!  And, a wall of built-in bookcases filled with all the books on my ‘To Read’ list was quietly calling my name. My physical home was finally where I could now spend the majority of my time. This introvert was very happy!

There was a shift in how I began thinking about “home” during this phase of mentally preparing myself for my retirement years. I realized I was not just coming back full-time to my physical home. It was bigger than that!  Home Again meant I was coming back to myself, to my heart.

I Became the Home I was Looking For

I searched for safety in people.

For someone to hold me, fix me, save me.

But I kept ending up

With empty arms and tired hope.

Until I turned inward.

And built a home inside myself,

with soft words,

honest boundaries,

and endless grace.

Now I don’t need to be rescued.

I am safe

with me. 

 Ref: Facebook page: Thoughts from the heart

Midlife is Full of Change

No more scheduling house chores around small children’s activities. No more frantic grocery shopping, or car-pooling a young family around a hectic, daily work schedule.  My family had successfully graduated from that phase of beautiful busy.  It was time to move on. Oh, my! Life would be changing for sure!

Choosing to work from home part-time, full-time or not-at-all-time, would be up to me. It would be necessary to go through a “cooling off stage” after leaving full-time employment. Friends were quick to tell me to wait at least three months for the feeling of “just on vacation” to subside. The full realization of retirement truly takes at least ninety days to slowly creep into one’s consciousness and take hold.

I’ve always agreed with the adage of “being happy is a choice.” Finding acceptance of and gratitude in the changes that come with midlife require focus. And, finding happiness means normalizing the midlife slump that many people experience. Embracing self-compassion, redefining success, and letting go of things that are beyond our control, all need to be embraced once most of us hit our mid-40s.

How do you spend your time, arrange your To Do list and define your happiness?

Simple Changes Can Be a Gift

I did look forward to the place and the time of life when I could change up and cross things off my To Do list. Not because those items had been completed, but just because I didn’t want them on the list anymore! Changing days to do specific home tasks like, grocery shopping and laundry, were the first changes I made on my To Do list. I was somewhat giddy about being able to grocery shop in the mid-afternoon on a Wednesday! Rather than early Saturday mornings, as I had done for years and years. And, having all day Monday to complete the laundry instead of a short Sunday afternoon! That was another simple change that really felt more like an expensive gift. You know, it’s the little changes that mean the most sometimes!

Flourishing in Your Heart Space

I hope you see yourself as a muse with valuable years of wisdom and unique perspectives to share with the world whether you are just now entering the library lifestyle phase or, you are well on the path to retirement. That IS who we really are!  And, perhaps you’ll discover Home Again is a physical place, and a heart-space for ourselves and for others.

Take some self-care time. Alone. Light a great candle. Put on your favorite song. Think about and journal about what Home Again means to you.

And, also write down the one thing you would like to permanently cross off your midlife To Do list!

As you start to walk on the way,

the way appears.

– Rumi –